Inner Peace

Praying for happiness is a daily ritual for me. My prayers are not recited from written guides or quotes from the bible. I silently affirm my belief in God and constantly refer to my mother’s religious teachings about Christianity. I do read the bible often and practice positive psychology, because this is what the bible speaks about.

Today, I woke up feeling angry and annoyed. I looked outside my windows and several inches of snow have fallen. In fact, we are having another snowstorm. This one looks really intense and cars are beginning to get stuck in the snowdrifts. The city’s snowplow trucks have started to maneuver their way up and down the street. I planned to do some errands today, including paying my rent. Since I’ve been out of work, I have made bi-weekly payments towards the total amount due on my rent. I am charged $7.00 per day for late fees, each day that my rent is not paid after the 1st of the month.

Well, this week my apartment manager knocked on my door and I let her in. She requested that I sign a form stipulating that in consideration of my landlord agreement to not terminate my lease for failure to pay my rent on the 1st of the month, I agree to pay the landlord $275.00 as delinquent rent (the balance that I still owe for this month) and $125.00 in late fees.

My southern apartment manager has a calm disposition about herself, but the one thing that I will not tolerate from her, is the looks of disappointment and disdain that she constantly gives me, each time that we interact. She glares at the colors of my clothing and I sense that she is pulling at my subconscious mind, trying to drag me into an atheist world and mentally saying to herself, “I will never have her mind.”

After I looked outside my windows and saw the weather conditions are really bad, I called my apartment manager to inform her about the weather conditions. I told her that I may have to post pone the date that I indicated in a letter, addressed to her regarding the balance of my rent due for this month. Also, I explained to her that she made me feel uncomfortable, and I did not appreciate her looks of disappointment and disdain towards me. I furthered explained to her that I will not wear the same colors of clothing that she wears, because I do not want to appear, as if I am a gang member that wears the color “Red” or have bonded with a fascist party. I told her that I have family members working for the government, as well as the Department of Defense and I will not pound in their minds, or wear clothing that makes me appear to look as if I belong to a corrupt crime organization.

She became very upset and stated, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” and I could not believe that she hung the phone up on me. A few minutes later, she called me back and left a voicemail message apologizing for the disconnection. Then made up an excuse, stating that when she receives an incoming call, while she is on the phone with another party, her phone automatically disconnects the party that she is speaking with. She further went on to say that, if I have any concerns about her to contact the owner of the building. I called her back and stated to her, “From this day forward, all interactions that I have with you will be documented,” and I promptly hung up the phone.

I think a broom is the best cleaning tool that allows you to sweep away debris and dust. When I feel stressed or angry, I often sweep my floors, mop and clean. Afterwards, I feel a sense of relief from my vigorous workout. I begin to relax and unwind. I do not like clutter and organizing helps me to think clearly and concentrate.

I’m beginning to get that nagging feeling again, because I am scheduled for a job interview. Now, most folks would feel elated over the fact that they were chosen, to make an appearance and present a sales pitch to a potential employer. I certainly need a better income, but I would rather set my own hours, work at home and write articles. I dread working in an office and dealing with individuals and their insecure personalities. I don’t have the patience to muster up the enthusiasm and fawn all over someone that mentality has sunken to the deepest depths. A bothersome tick that believes their world is all mighty powerful.

Another atheist fascist is trying to attach themselves to me. Deep in my heart I know they don’t give a rat’s ass about me and look down on my mixed bred features. I truly believe that I was selected out of hundreds of applicants to interview for a position, so that the fascist ticks can look me over, like a cold slab of meat and run the other way. In their eyes, I am part of a slush file that they eagerly want to toss away. My first impulse was to not return their calls and go on about my way. For the sake of protocol, I returned their calls and felt like a robot going through the motions and accepted the interview.

I was so disappointed when I was told that the department that I worked in, no longer had money in their budget and I was let go. I have been unemployed for 5 months now, and I am beginning to feel stronger and emotionally better. I dread and overlook, the ticks and their evil envious eyes. I will not adorn myself or wear the colors that the fascists proudly wear. I will not allow myself to engage in their so-called psyche games.

The restless ticks are bored and need a financially poor opponent to gage their self worth, in their corrupt organized society and evil spy ring. They demand to know, “Who is more powerful Christians or Atheists?” I secretly smile and glide as I walk. The winter months will soon past away, and spring will be here soon. I patiently wait for Easter Sunday and pray. My mother will soon be here and all the heavenly angels will surround me and shield my body. Mom hears my cries and senses my discomforts. I feel her presence nearing. She is watching and waiting for the demons that walk among us.

I will never forget the tragic morning that I received a phone call from my mother, pleading for help. A black male demanded her to get into his car. She refused and he told her that he would kill her. The man pointed a gun at my mother and shot her in the head. She fell down on the ground, unconscious and near death from the gunshot. My mother the lioness, rose from the dead. She picked herself up from the street corner, near her apartment building and walked up three long flights of stairs into her apartment.

By the time I arrived, the ambulance was waiting outside in front of her building. They could not get inside because the front doors were locked. I ran up the back entrance and when I saw her, she was standing up and had cleaned the blood from her face. I tried to grab hold of her, but she would not allow me to touch her. She was holding on to her inner strength and will power. The doctors said it was a miracle that she survived. The bullet passed through her temple and out of her opposite cheek. She lived a well-guarded and wonderful life for nearly 26 years after this tragic incident.

Over the years, I sincerely believe that my olive skin tone family is being targeted by atheist fascists. My mother was shot and my sister was hit by a car. A cousin was killed by a hit and run driver while he was leaving church. My aunt was shot and killed by her estranged lover. Another aunt was brutally beaten by her lover and died from hemorrhaging. As well as another aunt died in a housefire, along with her son. Too many tragedies has happened to my relatives, and I can not help but wonder, did these awful tragedies happen because my grandfather was a deacon in the church. His children and grandchildren, suffered from the hands of atheist fascists and those that bonded with them.

For the past few days, I’ve had the wildest dreams. Each day, I read and gather new information from the internet superhighway. My thoughts frequently get carried away, while I am digesting and retaining new information. During the evening, I often reflect on what I have learned that day and afterwards, settle down to fall sleep. My dreams aren’t particularly discomforting or disturbing, but once I am totally awake, I think about the dream that I just had and say to myself, “Now that was interesting.”

I have to admit my dreams have been very unusual lately, as well as entertaining. If I kept a pen near my bedside, I could jot down and write about my dreams. A dream journal sounds like a good idea, but with all the other things that I want to complete, a dream journal would feel like another task for my to do list. Who knows, if I really gave it a try, it could be the next best seller at Borders bookstore.

I’m beginning to realize that my mental state is improving and my mind is relaxed. I was somewhat disappointed and a bit depressed, during the months August and September of last year. My contract assignment ended due to a so-called budget cut. I was out of work and worried about my bills. Then something amazing happened to me, I woke up one morning and said to myself, “Enough! I’m tired of feeling like a loser.” Just because someone has a job with a flashy title, does not make him or her God. I really hate being judged by people that are employed, and where do they get off, constantly telling me that I don’t measure up to their standards.

I really kicked myself hard for dwelling on the ticks of our society, and their bias attitudes towards me. My inner voice screamed, “I’m highly intelligent!” Once I came to terms with my feelings of outrage, because of my dysfunctional behavior, I began to create a plan of action. I reminded myself that I am a huntress and I will overcome this obstacle and rise above. I patted myself on the back and reflected on all my accomplishments. I reevaluated my professional skills and embarked on improving myself. I gathered up my software tutorials, French phrases CD and diligently studied at my own pace. I visited the library frequently and began to borrow interesting books, world music CD’s and french films to expand my mind. I decided to use my leisurely time wisely.

I feel so much better now and cherish the freedom that I have. It feels wonderful and I am enjoying every moment that I do not hear someone at work, requesting me to assist them with tasks that are time-consuming and boring. I have started up two small home-based businesses, and even though the profits were modest, I felt elated that I was an entrepreneur, and made my own business decisions.

Where does the time go? I promised myself that I would slow down a bit more and just relax. Easier said than done. I have so many personal projects that I want to complete and my days appear to be shorter than normal. I need to stop what I am doing and get better organized.

First of all, I did manage to create a daily schedule of tasks that I need to do on the internet. Performing theses tasks usually takes up most of my day and around 5:30 pm, I take a dinner break. Second, I normally perform my everyday domestic chores after dinner. I really don’t like a lot of clutter, and it’s easier to clean when everything is organized and put away. Afterwards, I’m back on the internet finishing up the last of my tasks for the day.

I did allow myself to relax and watch two hours of television last night. Something that I haven’t done in the past two weeks. The most time-consuming task that I need to perform is reading research material. Each day, I stack up books and magazines that I plan to read, but somehow can never manage to do this. So in between page loads, while I am surfing the internet, I try to read a book or check out a few articles in a magazine. Once the page loads, I realize that I have only read about a paragraph or two. This is so pathetic that I can’t help but laugh at myself. I really need to get a grip on my mind-bending behavior. So, for the sake of my sanity, I am going to take a walk, prance and enjoy the fresh air.

I began my day at 7:30 am, scrounging around for reference material. First of all, I am a pack rat. I have several copies of articles that I keep on file and refer to them often. In the meantime, I had a 12:00 noon deadline and some how was able to complete my assignment.

My day was very productive and the time drifted away quickly. My cat is staring at me right now, with a queer expression on his little face. I’m sure if he could speak, I would get a real thrashing. I constantly kiss him throughout the day to keep him calm, but he strictly monitors my long workdays. He wants me to give it a rest. So, for the sake of keeping him happy and the fact that I am feeling a bit tired, I will keep this article very short.

Yesterday, I spoke about the psychology of color and how we subconsciously perceive color. Color is used in advertising to grab the viewer’s attention, and the ultimate goal is to communicate and try to sell something.

When I had to commute to work, there were days that I felt very weary from the interactions that I had with coworkers. I constantly performed mental exercises to alleviate my stress and anxiety. I practiced the color of psychology on a daily basis and referred to documented and written material that explained the true meaning of colors and how we subconsciously perceive them. For instance, the color pink is mostly gender specific. Pink represents feminity and has a gentle nature. The color pink is associated with girls, sweets like candy and bubble gum. The color blue is associated with boys and represents temperature, sky, water and ice. It also represents coolness, mist and shadows.

I studied commercial art and I am pretty much into using the psychology of color, especially when I am creating an advertisement. My mind is so focused on this type of communication that when I begin to sense and perceive erroneous mind chatter, I feel angry and flabbergasted by this negative form of communication, mainly because it is flawed and incorrect.

For the past two weeks, our weather has been very cold. Several inches of snow has fallen and the temperatures are somewhere around the lower 20’s. Each time that I gaze out my windows, I often shutter and sigh. Eventually, I will have to go outside and cruise around the city. To offset my winter depression, I wear the boldest and brightest colors of outerwear, including thick socks and insulated footwear to help keep me warm. Before I leave home, I normally take extra vitamin C tablets to protect my immune system. After a long day of trekking throughout the city, when I return home, I normally take a lengthy shower and relax with a steamy cup of hot tea or chocolate.

Right now, I long for a warmer climate and miss the warm sunrays on my skin. I miss the smell of cool breezes and the intense colors of the ocean. I try to recreate a warmer climate in my mind, and listen to my meditation music that have the sounds of ocean waves embedded in them. I reminisce and stare at the pictures that I took of the west coast, and I normally sit at my workstation in my loungewear. I wear the brightest colors in my wardrobe. I meditate as often I can, especially during the winter months to relax and enhance my mental energy. I use simple techniques, such as gazing at colorful objects that’s soothing to my eyes. I am not fond of the color blue and my favorite color to gaze at intensely is, aqua or light turquoise. The color reminds me of the ocean and my mind instantly relaxes after I gaze at this color for a long period of time.

Several years ago, I studied commercial art and over the years, learned how to use the psychology of color, and passionately practice several techniques. I really enjoy designing layouts and advertisements. Referencing material on the psychology of color has helped me to better understand concepts and perception. Professional commercial artists, design advertisements to excite consumers to respond to company ads, and most likely, a consumer will buy their products or services.

Our eyes and minds, automatically respond to varying hues of colors, which can alter our moods and dispositions. I use techniques everyday to protect my mind from erroneous noises that strive to erode away my subconscious. I will elaborate more about this topic in my next article.

While I am sitting at my computer station trying to compose this article and reminiscing about my past, my cat is fast asleep on my desk. I cannot help but laugh out loud at him. For the past two weeks his has calmed down and does not scratch on the dome of his litter box as often. The racket was driving me a bit nuts and lately, I have been giving him a lot of attention and we are communicating much better now.

When I am focusing on my writings, he will make the cutest whining sound. I will immediately stop what I am doing and ask him, “What do you want, Baby?” Sometimes he lifts his paw or reaches out towards me. This means he wants a snack. When I am listening to the television while I work, he will let out a little whine and this means, he wants to hear some music. My cat really enjoys listening to music. I often listen to meditation music while I am working. Most of the music tracks that I listen to are instrumental, and other tracks have animal sounds embedded in them.

My cat’s all time favorite is, “Big Cats.” The CD has lion roars and growls embedded in the music. The music is very lively and has tribal beats and sounds mixed in. While my cat is listening to the music tracks, he often roams around my home or relaxes and falls asleep. I realize that he needs to hear other animal sounds, especially when I am not playing with him. These animal sounds help fuel his imagination. For the past few days, while he was in a deep sleep, his body shook a bit. He grunted and began to chew. Watching him brought tears to my eyes with laughter. I have read articles that cats have dreams and mostly dream about chasing and catching their prey.

I guess you realize that I have spoiled him rotten. Anyway, while I was reminiscing about the days that I lived on the west coast, and was beginning to write about my life during that time, my cat let out a very loud grunt and began chewing. I stared at him with disbelief and said to him, “My goodness, what did you catch to eat.”

Recently, I have begun playing with him throughout the day and while I am working, we have our favorite game to play. He will make his move towards me and sometimes let out a little cry to get my attention. I often gaze at him and let my eyes roam all over his tiny body. Then I wipe my mouth and get up from my work station, and he knows the chase is on. We romp around for a little while until we both get tired. He knows that when I catch him, I will reward him with a big kiss on his little forehead. He feels contented and happy, knowing that his domain and kingdom is safe and warm.

I was filled with excitement when I arrived on the west coast. I left my family behind after attending college to pursue a better job opportunity. My itinerary included a week to just relax and sightsee. First, I had to learn how to get around the city using public transportation. So, I randomly chose buses and rode to the end of the bus route and back again to get familiar with the city.

The first week that I arrived on the west coast, I met a man from Argentina. He was staying at the same hotel that I stayed, and we were both two ducks out of the water. He was looking for a guide to help him get around the city, because he had business acquaintances to meet. He was very friendly and had already established a friendship with several guys staying at the hotel before I arrived. We were a pathetic bunch of individuals, trying to learn how to get from one place to another. After a long day of pounding the pavement in search of employment, my new friends and I would often meet in the lobby of the hotel to give each other support.

They were really nice guys and when we weren’t preoccupied with this or that, often met to go out on the town. I had a blast with my Argentina friend. He was lively and hilarious. I felt very comfortable around him. He proudly told me about his country and mentioned that Argentineans did not show prejudice towards individuals that were considered a mixed bred. I was stunned after hearing him explain his culture to me.

After a few weeks, one by one my new friends found employment and checked out of the hotel. My Argentina friend, business arrangements were concluded and he went back to his country. We kept in touch for a few months and eventually went our separate ways. I will never forget him and will always cherish the time that we shared together.

Living on the west coast was the most exhilarating and memorable time of my life. Individuals that I met at work and other acquaintances, were highly intelligent, as well as go-getters. The cost of living in California is very high and a lot of individuals that I met worked two jobs and others furthered their education. The west coast was alive and booming. I have to admit that I was caught up in the frenzy. Each day that I lived there felt like an adventure.

I was astonished and amazed by the architecture and elegant shopping malls. I visited the beaches often and sat for hours gazing at the ocean. I swooned with joy when I finally made it to an Oscar Awards ceremony. Watching the Oscar Awards on television is very entertaining, but nothing compares to seeing your favorite actors or actresses in everyday life. Needless to say, I just flipped out. I screamed and called their names as they arrived for the big event. Limousine after limousine pulled up and I watched Kim Bassinger and Alex Baldwin, Melanie Griffin and Antonio Banderas, Robert Redford, The Judds, and several others depart from their vehicles and walk onto the red carpet run way.

During my adolescent years, actors and actresses that I saw on television or at the theater were imaginary people. I was completely breathless when I saw the elegant homes of movie stars that lived near the ocean. I was filled with excitement while I watched camera crews throughout the city film a movie.

My imaginary world was becoming a reality and I worked hard to stay there. I was happy and often exhaled with a sense of relief. My inner voice repeatedly said, “I finally made it.” My new life was beginning to take shape and I pursued my goals with a burning passion. Each day I tried to exercise a positive attitude and I was determined to better myself. I used positive psychology techniques and my independent nature deepened. I started a small internet design business and even though, my supplemental income was very modest, I will never forget the day that I landed my first customer.

Bonjour My Loves,

You know who you are. I notice your long gazes and seductive sweet smiles. My close comrades and Silicon Valley intellects. I love your technologically advanced minds and positive spirits. Together, we will rise above to increase our intelligence and triumph over ignorance. Soar with me and I will show you how to let your mind float.

Can you hear the music? Tap your feet and let your body swing and sway. Pick up the beat and float with me. Float, float and just float.

Wow! My mental energy is back. My mind is uncluttered and filled with a wonderful, relaxing sensation. I feel energized and this sensation feels like my mind is floating through mid air. I do not feel the harsh cold winter on my skin. I am soaring and my inner strength is accelerating. I am reaching my goal and beginning to feel inner peace. Fly away with me and we will feel the merits of happiness together.

Bonsoir!