Jan 27 2009
Happy Thoughts
For the past few days, I’ve had the wildest dreams. Each day, I read and gather new information from the internet superhighway. My thoughts frequently get carried away, while I am digesting and retaining new information. During the evening, I often reflect on what I have learned that day and afterwards, settle down to fall sleep. My dreams aren’t particularly discomforting or disturbing, but once I am totally awake, I think about the dream that I just had and say to myself, “Now that was interesting.”
I have to admit my dreams have been very unusual lately, as well as entertaining. If I kept a pen near my bedside, I could jot down and write about my dreams. A dream journal sounds like a good idea, but with all the other things that I want to complete, a dream journal would feel like another task for my to do list. Who knows, if I really gave it a try, it could be the next best seller at Borders bookstore.
I’m beginning to realize that my mental state is improving and my mind is relaxed. I was somewhat disappointed and a bit depressed, during the months August and September of last year. My contract assignment ended due to a so-called budget cut. I was out of work and worried about my bills. Then something amazing happened to me, I woke up one morning and said to myself, “Enough! I’m tired of feeling like a loser.” Just because someone has a job with a flashy title, does not make him or her God. I really hate being judged by people that are employed, and where do they get off, constantly telling me that I don’t measure up to their standards.
I really kicked myself hard for dwelling on the ticks of our society, and their bias attitudes towards me. My inner voice screamed, “I’m highly intelligent!” Once I came to terms with my feelings of outrage, because of my dysfunctional behavior, I began to create a plan of action. I reminded myself that I am a huntress and I will overcome this obstacle and rise above. I patted myself on the back and reflected on all my accomplishments. I reevaluated my professional skills and embarked on improving myself. I gathered up my software tutorials, French phrases CD and diligently studied at my own pace. I visited the library frequently and began to borrow interesting books, world music CD’s and french films to expand my mind. I decided to use my leisurely time wisely.
I feel so much better now and cherish the freedom that I have. It feels wonderful and I am enjoying every moment that I do not hear someone at work, requesting me to assist them with tasks that are time-consuming and boring. I have started up two small home-based businesses, and even though the profits were modest, I felt elated that I was an entrepreneur, and made my own business decisions.
