Inner Peace

I didn’t make a New Year’s resolution this year, and in fact, I don’t make resolutions anymore, because I am usually too busy focusing on other personal goals, or have forgotten that I made a resolution that I intended to pursue. Last year, several distractions were interfering with my achievements and at times, I felt helpless. I wasn’t satisfied with my lifestyle and for several months, I thought about my situation and came to the conclusion that I needed a change.

I’ve accomplished several small goals, which has helped me to achieve a greater goal. My health has improved and I feel emotionally stronger. My daily life is much more relaxed and peaceful, even though I am still dealing with a neighbor that has been excessively loud for the past few months. I complained to the apartment management about his behavior, and a few days later his loud behavior faltered for about a day or two, and now he’s back stomping around his apartment, apparently without a care in the world for other tenants living in the building.

Neighbors can be a real pain to deal with and I really don’t like getting involved with them. Mainly because they appear to be nosy busy bodies and their objectives are always the same. Eventually, they will ask you about your personal finances and want to know how much you make a year. Over the years, I have learned to detach myself from my neighbors and I am much happier, because I do not allow myself to get involved with their problems and emotional stress. These days, it seems individuals are obsessed with dumping their difficulties on someone else. Shortly after I moved into the apartment building, a retired elderly woman that I spoke to on several occasions, contantly talked about the tenants living in the building. One day she asked me where I worked and wanted to know my occupation. I could not help but feel overwhelmed by her inquires and felt as if I was being interrogated. I explained to her that I did not make a habit of sharing personal information about myself and I sensed that she felt offended that I wasn’t being open or neighborly.

Each day, I strive to increase my willpower and mental stamina. My health has improved and my thoughts are much more positive. I do something good for myself everyday, and try to remain detached from outside distractions. Developing a sense of detachment has helped me to stay calm and in control of my moods. I smile more often and enjoy an ordinary life. I am beginning to attract individuals with good vibrations, and they have helped me in the kindest way.

Hooray! Nine days have past, since the day of my job interview. Before I left the interviewer’s office, he mentioned that second interviews would be scheduled for candidates that they were considering for the position. Well, I figured since I haven’t heard from their office after nine days, they must have chosen someone else to do the job.

When I arrived at the company, I was greeted by his assistant and escorted to their department. The assistant told the interviewer that I was waiting to see him. After a few minutes, the interviewer stepped out of his office, gave me a discerning glance and then looked at a black female seated at a desk. The interviewer is head of the department and while I was speaking to him, I began to perceive his nonverbal gestures. His mannerisms were rude and I felt offended by his behavior.

While speaking to the interviewer, he began to scratch himself. First of all, he scratched his pants pocket, which I thought was pretty weird and then he scratched his knee. On each of these occasions, while he was scratching himself, I brushed my hand against my nose. I sensed that he was trying to impair my perception of acceptable nonverbal communication and inflict harm on my subconscious mind. If you are aware and practice any form of etiquette, openly scratching oneself is not considered polite. I have read numerous articles on the subject, how to conduct yourself during an interview, and you should not scratch while speaking to the interviewer. Furthermore, throughout my adult life, I have observed individuals mannerisms, and I truly believe, an atheist fascist society have constructed a weird form of nonverbal communication. Often they appear hostile and their unbalanced minds, believe that their gestures or mannerisms are a form of communication.

I thought about what took place during the interview, and decided to browse the Internet to search for any information about the interviewer. I learned that he has worked for the company for several years and have made some considerable contributions. I wanted to know more about his personal background and learned that his ancestry is mostly likely German. Well, most of us know about the history of World War II and Nazi Germany. Even today, there are signs that a secret fascist party is struggling to take over our minds and eventually this country. I could not help but imagine my worst thoughts concerning the interviewer, because his mannerisms towards me were disturbing. Most of my interactions with Germans have not been very pleasant and their attitudes towards me are demeaning. One particular guy that I dated was a real time bomb. The longer that I continued to see him, my life was disruptive and a disaster. I did not want to be burdened by his troubles, and I did not approve of his lifestyle, so I ended the relationship.

Looking back over the years, I took a college course on the subject of effective communication. The course covered nonverbal communication, using gestures and body language. I learned a great deal about this subject and received an “A” grade for all my hard work. I was intrigued by this subject and even today, I have furthered my knowledge and practice using acceptable nonverbal gestures and body language to communicate. I read an interesting article about traveling abroad and how to not embarrass yourself while traveling to foreign countries. I refer to this article often and I can better understand the mannerisms of my foreign friends that live in the United States.

Acceptable nonverbal communication is very important and is a part of our everyday life.
For example, using hand signals or gestures while driving a car, may help you to avoid a car accident. Some nonverbal gestures that Americans have adapted, have a different meaning in a foreign country. Today, American nonverbal gestures or body language may appear offensive or even threatening to a foreigner in his country.

After reminiscing about the job interview, I cannot help but feel sorry for the schmuck that was chosen to take over the interviewer’s departmental responsibilities. I often wonder about those that have managed to move up the corporate ladder and what happens to their minds. Most have lost sight of Etiquette 101, and their minds have deteriorated to a level of psychological weakness. Their psychopathic behavior is near insanity. Unfortunately, the minds of atheist fascists and their weird form of nonverbal communication is flawed, incorrect and demeaning.

I would like to leave a lasting and positive impression for those that I have known. At times, I feel overlooked by individuals that are financially better off than I am. Their money and influence, unfortunately brings out the worst in some people. Which often leaves me wondering, “What happen to your compassion?”

Throughout my early adult years, I struggled to find out what happens to a person’s mind as they begin to move up the corporate ladder. Whenever I had a disagreement concerning my working environment, my supervisors were the most uncompassionate individuals I ever encountered. I often left the office overwhelmed with emotions and cried from their unsympathic demented behavior. I frequently discussed my difficulties at work with my mother. Her wisdom helped me to increase my inner strength and overcome my emotional setbacks and psychological weakness. No one has ever given me the emotional support that I needed, except my mother.

She was super sensitive and recognized that I inherited this trait from her. I will never forget a conversation that we had about people and working relationships. She encouraged me to stand up for what I think is right and do what is right for me. I listened carefully to her words of encouragement and she helped me to learn how to increase my mental stamina by role playing and imitating my supervisors. A few times, she caught me off guard and her behavior was unrelenting. My mother really enjoyed watching me work through my emotions and she really toughen me up.

Thinking about her, sometimes makes me feel sad, but at the same time, I would never trade her for another. She will always be in my heart and soul forever. She was a fighter and instilled in me to strive for the best and whatever I cannot achieve, do not dwell on it and learn to seek happiness in what I can do effectively. I am learning to express myself by writing and this is my legacy. Thinking positively has helped me to be more upbeat and to use humor to cope with my everyday stress.

There are many benefits from positive emotions and scientists are searching for reasons why positive emotions leads to longevity. Most likely, because positive people tend to promote their own health by eating well and exercising. Do-gooders appear to be healthier for doing good deeds and laughter boosts immunity.

I am normally very healthy, but last winter, I could not get rid of a reoccurring cough and flu-like symptoms. My body felt weak and my inner strength began to diminish. I kept asking myself, “What is wrong with me?” At the time, I did not realize that my emotional stress from work and living environment was the cause of my illness.

I made some changes in my lifestyle and I feel much better now. My mind is accelerating and I am able to process information more clearly. I don’t know what is happening to me, but I cannot help but laugh at a former employer that teasingly told me to stop being so attentive.

Several inches of snow have fallen and the temperatures are in the lower 20’s. It’s really cold outdoors and trying to maneuver around mounds of snow can be very strenuous. Oh well, I will always have my memories to keep me warm, especially during the cold winter season. Instead of feeling depressed about the weather, I often reminisce about my life and adventures, while I lived on the west coast.

Relocating to California was the greatest challenge of my life. California is an exciting and extraordinary place to live. If you love to travel and adventure, you will never find yourself bored on the west coast. I could barely wait for the weekends, because I loved to explore the city and discover something new.

I met the coolest people in sunny California. They were highly intelligent and energetic. They enjoyed their lives and most of all, loved living on the west coast.

Visiting Long Beach and Catalina Island on the weekends was my best keep secret. Whenever I felt stressed from work or the over crowded city, I often found comfort and solitude from my weekend explorations. Long Beach is a small beach town and has several major attractions. The Queen Mary and Aquarium are great places to visit. The Pike at Rainbow Harbor has dining, retail stores and entertainment located along the waterfront. This was my favorite place to visit on Sundays, and I really enjoyed sitting near the waterfront for hours, just gazing at the ocean.

Catalina Island has so many natural outdoor attractions. Sailing around the island was a thrilling experience. I didn’t know what to expect when I decided to board the Glass Bottom boat. I was truly amazed, while I watched schools of fish swimming in the ocean.

Thinking about the west coast, also reminds me of a fabulous two-week vacation that I took from work. I left California and met my family in Las Vegas, Nevada. After three days of sightseeing, my family and I headed back east to my hometown. I spent two days reconnecting with relatives and several friends. Before I arrived, my family and I decided to take a road trip. We vacationed in Niagara Falls, Canada for the weekend and had a fabulous time together.

My lifestyle is very different now, and I really need to take a long vacation. Hopefully in the near future and somewhere exciting.

Praying for happiness is a daily ritual for me. My prayers are not recited from written guides or quotes from the bible. I silently affirm my belief in God and constantly refer to my mother’s religious teachings about Christianity. I do read the bible often and practice positive psychology, because this is what the bible speaks about.

Today, I woke up feeling angry and annoyed. I looked outside my windows and several inches of snow have fallen. In fact, we are having another snowstorm. This one looks really intense and cars are beginning to get stuck in the snowdrifts. The city’s snowplow trucks have started to maneuver their way up and down the street. I planned to do some errands today, including paying my rent. Since I’ve been out of work, I have made bi-weekly payments towards the total amount due on my rent. I am charged $7.00 per day for late fees, each day that my rent is not paid after the 1st of the month.

Well, this week my apartment manager knocked on my door and I let her in. She requested that I sign a form stipulating that in consideration of my landlord agreement to not terminate my lease for failure to pay my rent on the 1st of the month, I agree to pay the landlord $275.00 as delinquent rent (the balance that I still owe for this month) and $125.00 in late fees.

My southern apartment manager has a calm disposition about herself, but the one thing that I will not tolerate from her, is the looks of disappointment and disdain that she constantly gives me, each time that we interact. She glares at the colors of my clothing and I sense that she is pulling at my subconscious mind, trying to drag me into an atheist world and mentally saying to herself, “I will never have her mind.”

After I looked outside my windows and saw the weather conditions are really bad, I called my apartment manager to inform her about the weather conditions. I told her that I may have to post pone the date that I indicated in a letter, addressed to her regarding the balance of my rent due for this month. Also, I explained to her that she made me feel uncomfortable, and I did not appreciate her looks of disappointment and disdain towards me. I furthered explained to her that I will not wear the same colors of clothing that she wears, because I do not want to appear, as if I am a gang member that wears the color “Red” or have bonded with a fascist party. I told her that I have family members working for the government, as well as the Department of Defense and I will not pound in their minds, or wear clothing that makes me appear to look as if I belong to a corrupt crime organization.

She became very upset and stated, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” and I could not believe that she hung the phone up on me. A few minutes later, she called me back and left a voicemail message apologizing for the disconnection. Then made up an excuse, stating that when she receives an incoming call, while she is on the phone with another party, her phone automatically disconnects the party that she is speaking with. She further went on to say that, if I have any concerns about her to contact the owner of the building. I called her back and stated to her, “From this day forward, all interactions that I have with you will be documented,” and I promptly hung up the phone.

I think a broom is the best cleaning tool that allows you to sweep away debris and dust. When I feel stressed or angry, I often sweep my floors, mop and clean. Afterwards, I feel a sense of relief from my vigorous workout. I begin to relax and unwind. I do not like clutter and organizing helps me to think clearly and concentrate.

I’m beginning to get that nagging feeling again, because I am scheduled for a job interview. Now, most folks would feel elated over the fact that they were chosen, to make an appearance and present a sales pitch to a potential employer. I certainly need a better income, but I would rather set my own hours, work at home and write articles. I dread working in an office and dealing with individuals and their insecure personalities. I don’t have the patience to muster up the enthusiasm and fawn all over someone that mentality has sunken to the deepest depths. A bothersome tick that believes their world is all mighty powerful.

Another atheist fascist is trying to attach themselves to me. Deep in my heart I know they don’t give a rat’s ass about me and look down on my mixed bred features. I truly believe that I was selected out of hundreds of applicants to interview for a position, so that the fascist ticks can look me over, like a cold slab of meat and run the other way. In their eyes, I am part of a slush file that they eagerly want to toss away. My first impulse was to not return their calls and go on about my way. For the sake of protocol, I returned their calls and felt like a robot going through the motions and accepted the interview.

I was so disappointed when I was told that the department that I worked in, no longer had money in their budget and I was let go. I have been unemployed for 5 months now, and I am beginning to feel stronger and emotionally better. I dread and overlook, the ticks and their evil envious eyes. I will not adorn myself or wear the colors that the fascists proudly wear. I will not allow myself to engage in their so-called psyche games.

The restless ticks are bored and need a financially poor opponent to gage their self worth, in their corrupt organized society and evil spy ring. They demand to know, “Who is more powerful Christians or Atheists?” I secretly smile and glide as I walk. The winter months will soon past away, and spring will be here soon. I patiently wait for Easter Sunday and pray. My mother will soon be here and all the heavenly angels will surround me and shield my body. Mom hears my cries and senses my discomforts. I feel her presence nearing. She is watching and waiting for the demons that walk among us.

I will never forget the tragic morning that I received a phone call from my mother, pleading for help. A black male demanded her to get into his car. She refused and he told her that he would kill her. The man pointed a gun at my mother and shot her in the head. She fell down on the ground, unconscious and near death from the gunshot. My mother the lioness, rose from the dead. She picked herself up from the street corner, near her apartment building and walked up three long flights of stairs into her apartment.

By the time I arrived, the ambulance was waiting outside in front of her building. They could not get inside because the front doors were locked. I ran up the back entrance and when I saw her, she was standing up and had cleaned the blood from her face. I tried to grab hold of her, but she would not allow me to touch her. She was holding on to her inner strength and will power. The doctors said it was a miracle that she survived. The bullet passed through her temple and out of her opposite cheek. She lived a well-guarded and wonderful life for nearly 26 years after this tragic incident.

Over the years, I sincerely believe that my olive skin tone family is being targeted by atheist fascists. My mother was shot and my sister was hit by a car. A cousin was killed by a hit and run driver while he was leaving church. My aunt was shot and killed by her estranged lover. Another aunt was brutally beaten by her lover and died from hemorrhaging. As well as another aunt died in a housefire, along with her son. Too many tragedies has happened to my relatives, and I can not help but wonder, did these awful tragedies happen because my grandfather was a deacon in the church. His children and grandchildren, suffered from the hands of atheist fascists and those that bonded with them.

For the past few days, I’ve had the wildest dreams. Each day, I read and gather new information from the internet superhighway. My thoughts frequently get carried away, while I am digesting and retaining new information. During the evening, I often reflect on what I have learned that day and afterwards, settle down to fall sleep. My dreams aren’t particularly discomforting or disturbing, but once I am totally awake, I think about the dream that I just had and say to myself, “Now that was interesting.”

I have to admit my dreams have been very unusual lately, as well as entertaining. If I kept a pen near my bedside, I could jot down and write about my dreams. A dream journal sounds like a good idea, but with all the other things that I want to complete, a dream journal would feel like another task for my to do list. Who knows, if I really gave it a try, it could be the next best seller at Borders bookstore.

I’m beginning to realize that my mental state is improving and my mind is relaxed. I was somewhat disappointed and a bit depressed, during the months August and September of last year. My contract assignment ended due to a so-called budget cut. I was out of work and worried about my bills. Then something amazing happened to me, I woke up one morning and said to myself, “Enough! I’m tired of feeling like a loser.” Just because someone has a job with a flashy title, does not make him or her God. I really hate being judged by people that are employed, and where do they get off, constantly telling me that I don’t measure up to their standards.

I really kicked myself hard for dwelling on the ticks of our society, and their bias attitudes towards me. My inner voice screamed, “I’m highly intelligent!” Once I came to terms with my feelings of outrage, because of my dysfunctional behavior, I began to create a plan of action. I reminded myself that I am a huntress and I will overcome this obstacle and rise above. I patted myself on the back and reflected on all my accomplishments. I reevaluated my professional skills and embarked on improving myself. I gathered up my software tutorials, French phrases CD and diligently studied at my own pace. I visited the library frequently and began to borrow interesting books, world music CD’s and french films to expand my mind. I decided to use my leisurely time wisely.

I feel so much better now and cherish the freedom that I have. It feels wonderful and I am enjoying every moment that I do not hear someone at work, requesting me to assist them with tasks that are time-consuming and boring. I have started up two small home-based businesses, and even though the profits were modest, I felt elated that I was an entrepreneur, and made my own business decisions.

Where does the time go? I promised myself that I would slow down a bit more and just relax. Easier said than done. I have so many personal projects that I want to complete and my days appear to be shorter than normal. I need to stop what I am doing and get better organized.

First of all, I did manage to create a daily schedule of tasks that I need to do on the internet. Performing theses tasks usually takes up most of my day and around 5:30 pm, I take a dinner break. Second, I normally perform my everyday domestic chores after dinner. I really don’t like a lot of clutter, and it’s easier to clean when everything is organized and put away. Afterwards, I’m back on the internet finishing up the last of my tasks for the day.

I did allow myself to relax and watch two hours of television last night. Something that I haven’t done in the past two weeks. The most time-consuming task that I need to perform is reading research material. Each day, I stack up books and magazines that I plan to read, but somehow can never manage to do this. So in between page loads, while I am surfing the internet, I try to read a book or check out a few articles in a magazine. Once the page loads, I realize that I have only read about a paragraph or two. This is so pathetic that I can’t help but laugh at myself. I really need to get a grip on my mind-bending behavior. So, for the sake of my sanity, I am going to take a walk, prance and enjoy the fresh air.

I began my day at 7:30 am, scrounging around for reference material. First of all, I am a pack rat. I have several copies of articles that I keep on file and refer to them often. In the meantime, I had a 12:00 noon deadline and some how was able to complete my assignment.

My day was very productive and the time drifted away quickly. My cat is staring at me right now, with a queer expression on his little face. I’m sure if he could speak, I would get a real thrashing. I constantly kiss him throughout the day to keep him calm, but he strictly monitors my long workdays. He wants me to give it a rest. So, for the sake of keeping him happy and the fact that I am feeling a bit tired, I will keep this article very short.

Yesterday, I spoke about the psychology of color and how we subconsciously perceive color. Color is used in advertising to grab the viewer’s attention, and the ultimate goal is to communicate and try to sell something.

When I had to commute to work, there were days that I felt very weary from the interactions that I had with coworkers. I constantly performed mental exercises to alleviate my stress and anxiety. I practiced the color of psychology on a daily basis and referred to documented and written material that explained the true meaning of colors and how we subconsciously perceive them. For instance, the color pink is mostly gender specific. Pink represents feminity and has a gentle nature. The color pink is associated with girls, sweets like candy and bubble gum. The color blue is associated with boys and represents temperature, sky, water and ice. It also represents coolness, mist and shadows.

I studied commercial art and I am pretty much into using the psychology of color, especially when I am creating an advertisement. My mind is so focused on this type of communication that when I begin to sense and perceive erroneous mind chatter, I feel angry and flabbergasted by this negative form of communication, mainly because it is flawed and incorrect.

For the past two weeks, our weather has been very cold. Several inches of snow has fallen and the temperatures are somewhere around the lower 20’s. Each time that I gaze out my windows, I often shutter and sigh. Eventually, I will have to go outside and cruise around the city. To offset my winter depression, I wear the boldest and brightest colors of outerwear, including thick socks and insulated footwear to help keep me warm. Before I leave home, I normally take extra vitamin C tablets to protect my immune system. After a long day of trekking throughout the city, when I return home, I normally take a lengthy shower and relax with a steamy cup of hot tea or chocolate.

Right now, I long for a warmer climate and miss the warm sunrays on my skin. I miss the smell of cool breezes and the intense colors of the ocean. I try to recreate a warmer climate in my mind, and listen to my meditation music that have the sounds of ocean waves embedded in them. I reminisce and stare at the pictures that I took of the west coast, and I normally sit at my workstation in my loungewear. I wear the brightest colors in my wardrobe. I meditate as often I can, especially during the winter months to relax and enhance my mental energy. I use simple techniques, such as gazing at colorful objects that’s soothing to my eyes. I am not fond of the color blue and my favorite color to gaze at intensely is, aqua or light turquoise. The color reminds me of the ocean and my mind instantly relaxes after I gaze at this color for a long period of time.

Several years ago, I studied commercial art and over the years, learned how to use the psychology of color, and passionately practice several techniques. I really enjoy designing layouts and advertisements. Referencing material on the psychology of color has helped me to better understand concepts and perception. Professional commercial artists, design advertisements to excite consumers to respond to company ads, and most likely, a consumer will buy their products or services.

Our eyes and minds, automatically respond to varying hues of colors, which can alter our moods and dispositions. I use techniques everyday to protect my mind from erroneous noises that strive to erode away my subconscious. I will elaborate more about this topic in my next article.